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Navigating the tough questions.

There is a lot of tough questions in foster care. Questions from the agency to get approved, questions from friends and family who don’t understand why you would put yourself through this, and most importantly questions from the kids in your care.

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If you have been following my blog for a while you know that up until 4 months ago we had only had foster babies in our home. Babies who don’t ask questions. Foster care seemed easy. Then we got our boys, and the questions stemming from trauma and confusion started.

“When do I get to go home?”
“Why can’t I live with my mom?”
“Is my dad ever going to see me again?”
“Why can’t I play with my mom?
“Why didn’t my mom show up for my visit?”
“Does mommy still love me?”
“Are you my mom now?”

Nothing can really prepare you for these questions.  Not your social workers, not the training you receive.  Not even fellow foster parents who have been through this before.  When you have big blue eyes staring up at you, expecting you to solve all their problems, and make their heart stop hurting, it seems like an impossible task.

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The only thing I can do is drop to my knees in prayer and just hope that my answers will help them in some small way.  We talk about how they deserve to be safe, and that their parents need some help.  We let them know that our home is always a safe place to be when they feel scared.  We talk about them begin able to go back home once the judge thinks it is safe.  We remind them we can write notes, and make phone calls when they are really missing their families.  We look at pictures, and read books about loving families.  We tell them that we love them so much, and we will always be there to talk or give a hug.

These are questions we wish we didn’t have to answer, but unfortunately it is all part of the territory.  We only hope that they find some comfort in the inadequate answers we have to give.

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