At the end of the day when the kiddos are all tucked in bed, and I have time to catch my breath I start to question my parenting ability. Was I the best mom I could be today? Well today I wasn’t. I lost my patience, I was frustrated, I was snappy, I made easy meals and ordered pizza for dinner. You see, I was packing for our weekend trip to a cottage – it’s a 3.5 hour drive and not only is packing for 4 kids for the weekend a lot of work, but also I had to make sure I had the car packed with activities so our drive is sane, tried to fix the pool pump so our pool doesn’t turn green while we were gone, tried to get the house clean so we don’t come home to a pigsty! Oh and grocery shopped and had to pick up some “camp supplies”. The kids just wanted my attention and I kept putting them off trying to distract them, they watched way too much TV, and didn’t have a fun day.
I love being a stay at home, I love to be present for my kids, I love to do crafts, play dolls, walk to the park and cook delicious, nutritious meals. I love all of it (except dishes, I have always hated dishes). I would not change it for the world. I love that when I want to be lazy I can put on a movie and cuddle with them. However the fact that there is always something to do being a stay at home can get a little frustrating. When I worked I would go work, have a nice day with my clients and then finito. I was done. I came home and relaxed, did a bit of house work and did it all over again. Now there is always more dishes to wash, more laundry to do, more meals to make. More boo boos to kiss, more bath times, and did I mention more laundry? and I never get a break….I’ve got 2 little ones that still wake up 2 – 3 times a night and I don’t remember the last time I got a solid nights sleep.
Well today when I really needed some help to just get stuff done, I just couldn’t be the be all and end all that my children have come to expect of me. I was short tempered with them, I yelled (which I hateeeeeeee) I had a moment. My husband got home, and by 7pm I said to him. “I am over “momming” today”. I wanted to leave right then and there and let daddy do bedtime and go to starbucks get a frapp and destress.
I didn’t I pulled up my big girl panties put them all to bed (I totally skipped baths – I did not have the energy for it) then at 8:20 I left went to pick up some items for our weekend away that I missed while shopping with 4 kids this am. As I was walking through the aisles of good ol Canadian Tire, I found myself looking at garbage cans, and dish racks. I honestly just didn’t want to go back. You see all 4 of them were in bed, but none were actually asleep. I said a quick prayer for my husband and ran out the door.
I had a rough day. I needed a break from momming. You know what? Thats completely OK. The thing is tomorrow is a new day. I can’t be an amazing mom every day and even though today I sucked, I know tomorrow will be better. So as crappy as I feel about myself today, I want to remind myself and all of you other moms out there that most of the time I am awesome. So its OK to have a bad day. I forgive myself and you should too! Tomorrow we will be in the beautiful sands at Sandbanks provincial park, so it has got to be an easier day right?