So its hard to believe the day is finally here. The big K word. Kindergarten. How is it that my beautiful little miss pearl, who I basically JUST gave birth to like yesterday, is now 4 and a half and ready to leave my arms, and head off into a big building all by herself, where she will learn, and grow, and explore, HOW did this happen?
I mean I just mastered this whole mom thing, and now our whole routine is going to be different, and our precious girl will be walking around without me looking over her constantly. I mean she still needs me so much!
I know on the first day I will be at home crying, heading to the neighbouring park to spy on her at recess, and sitting in her room reminiscing of all the little moments that brought us here.
Like the time I first held her, she looked up at me and then nudged right into nurse. She knew I was her mama, and she was my girl, and I was going to be there for her forever.
Or the time that she looked at over at me with a proud look in her eyes as she took off, and started crawling for the first time. Showing me her confidence, her eyes alive with the feeling of “I can do this”.
What about the time I got a message from our daycare provider saying that she had taken her first steps at 13 months. My first real moment of mom guilt that knew some way or some how I would be a stay at home mom to her the rest of her pre school years.
The time she learned to jump with two feet, or do a front roll in gymnastics. The time she said “I lub you mama” for the first time, or the time she learned to print her name. For every bedtime story, and goodnight kiss, for every diaper changed and meal eaten. All of these amazing tiny moments has brought us to this huge first step. She will have many firsts today, and its the beginning of a thousand more firsts. When she makes her own friends, and learns its ok to be away from mama for 7 hours a day. The beginning of her independence, and her own story. For really up to this point the story has always been hers and mine. Her making me a mama, and all the growth that entailed, but now its really her story, her path, her journey. Who is she going to become?
I only pray that I have given her the best tools to prepare her for this great big world. Did I teach her enough? Enough love, enough kindness, enough confidence? Did I show her what it’s like to stand up for yourself, and teach her to be helpful to others? I sure hope so because my time is up. There is still so much more to teach her but I won’t be the one teaching her everything anymore. Her teacher, her classmates, other staff in the school, they are all going to have a profound impact on her and the woman she one day becomes. Me and the rest of our family are no longer her main influencers. That is scary yet exciting.
I worry how her sister, her best friend is going to be without her every day? They are together all the time ,but now she won’t be there every day with us. I worry about her being able to open all her tupperware containers in her lunch, and getting her shoes on, and knowing what to do, and where to stand, I worry about her going to the bathroom without me there reminding her to wash her hands. I worry about a lot of things but I guess that’s just a mom’s job.
This classroom she heads into full of smart, funny, sassy, energetic, loving, unpredictable yet fully capable kids. This classroom is the beginning of her story and I know she is ready. Just like I am sure your kiddo is ready. I think I am ready, the first day, and week might be hard, but then a new hard will come about finishing homework, and getting up for school on time. This is the joy of being a parent, there is always amazing moments, and always hard moments. They grow and change so much daily, and its such an honour to experience life through their young eyes. New amazings, and new hards are on their way.
So today as I see her pick out her outfit, and get her backpack ready to go meet her teacher, I try to hold back the tears and remind myself I have done a good job with her up to this point, there is still lots for me to do and teach her, but I have done good, she is prepared, and this is going to be a great year.